Monday, 6 September 2010

Me Then VS Me Now!

Hey everyone!

OK so I’m sitting here thinking about the past and what my hair used to be like then vs right now and how my hair looks to date. A memory came back to me from a couple of years ago when I was sitting on top of a double decker bus (before I used to drive)

                                          [What do you know about the big red bus? lol]

and I was wearing one of those bomber jackets with the fury hood up (remember those?). I was just on my way home from the hair dressers and I had my hair all straightened and layered. I liked the way that it looked but I had a bit of an issue with the length as I’d always hated when I went to the hair dressers and they took off more hair then I would like! Anyways, this guy sat in the seat in front of me and asked me to take my hood off so that he could see my face. I took my hood off and he was like “Wow, you’re so beautiful. Look at your hair, does your man realise what he’s got?!” and all of that talk, ladies you know how the story goes lol. I never swapped numbers with this guy and I never saw him again but in all honesty, he put a smile on my face for the rest of the day! I mean I didn’t spend money on my hair to look ugly now did I? I was happy to be noticed!!

Each time I got my hair done (straight) I could expect to be complimented. It’s a feeling that I got used to! Getting my hair relaxed and straight made me pretty and everybody told me so, so I kept on doing it.

I would say that about a year later I got my hair cane rowed. My hair was still texturized mind you but I really felt the need to get my hair done this way (must’ve been a sign!). I was really pleased with the results, it was the first time that I’d had my hair done like this since school and I just felt like myself. However the reception from other people wasn’t fun! My boyfriend at the time was like “It doesn’t suit you, it does nothing for you” (he really would benefit from some tips from the guy on the bus!! lol). I went to the gym for a workout and as I was getting off the cross trainer, I heard this teenage boy say to his class mate “Err, is that a man or a woman?”. Needless to say I wasn’t happy with the feedback that I was getting and I never got my hair done in cane row again! Well until I went natural a few years later of course!!

It’s right now that I’m thinking how extremely low must my self esteem have been to allow other people (some I didn’t even know!) to dictate to me how I should look! I mean seriously! I was so upset that a school boy and an undeserving boyfriend didn’t like my hair that I stopped being myself through fear of what others thought about me! Well let me tell you that’s changed!!

When I did my big chop, I made the decision to walk with my head up and to be truthful sometimes I had to remind myself to do just that! Every day I get better at it though and I have attracted some AMAZING people into my life since I made the right decision to be myself. People who do not like the decision I have made to go natural take one look at me and know not to even waste their time saying anything negative about my appearance because they can see that I’m happy with myself now.

If your gonna smile, make sure it's a BIG one!!!

The image that you give out of your self is the attention that you’re going to attract. If you walk around feeling ugly and depressed with your head down, then you are going to attract crappy people into your life that tell you horrible things about yourself like I did! Now however, I’ve changed MY whole perception of myself and even with no hair and very short hair, I’ve attracted the most lovely people into my life both male and female alike who compliment me all the time in my most natural state! I never would have believed that this could ever happen to me as I had NO confidence with relaxed hair! That was not me! Now I’m myself and I love it!!

Know that you're beautiful with and without hair!! Be encouraged!!

Much Love and God Bless

Levina xxx


  1. Youre beautiful no matter what your hair looks like...! Its scary though how much people judge you by whats on the outside but it just shows you whos shallow, nobody needs people like that and dont listen to them either, people who love you do so because of whats on the inside and nothing to do with the outside :D

  2. Thats so true! As many of us hear that all the time, it's extra hard to go through it!! However, going through this process has forced me to believe it's true and to have more self confidence and pride within myself! Thanks for sharing :) xx

  3. It is so good now that you don't let complete strangers dictate to you how you should look and feel. It is a hard one isn't it? As personally, I am not feeling great ALL the time. But you hit the nail when you mentioned the attitude of some school kid. He really meant nothing to you! My ex boyf mentioned nonchantly 'why don't you just relax your hair'. Needless to say he NEVER said that again lol! Anyway as women of colour we need to embrace ourselves more and not be afraid to be ourselves because of what others, outside of ourselves, demand from us.

  4. Morning Stacey! Yes I agree!! It is very hard to begin with but the stronger you get, you question how on heaven and earth you could have ever let someone that you don't even know decided for you, how you are gonna dress and look that day. It's really sad but I'm so happy I'm changing things!! :) xx

  5. This is a very awesome post. I remember when I first went natural I wasn't and still today have a lil issue where confidence is concern. Until I realized that I was critizing myself and taking away from my own natural beauty by wearing weaves all the time and covering up my hair. For some reason I felt i wouldnt be accepted by the people around me. But funny thing is they had already accepted my natural hair and I hadn't. For a year and six months I had only wore my hair hair out once or twice until i decided to go on journey to truly embrace it and myself. I know one day i will weave again but when I do I will finally be able to keep a balance btw the two.

    Love always,
    the queen of her throne

  6. Thank you so much! It's wonderful that you are taking the steps to accept yourself. If you do decide to wear weaves, at least understand WHY you are wearing them and never feel ashamed when you decide to wear your natural hair on display as you're beautiful!! Much love xx

  7. You are gorgeous period! With or without a relaxer. *hugs*